Saturday, January 06, 2007

I'm Glad I'm Not A Girl

For several years now I have noticed that on a near day-to-day basis I utter the phrase, "Man, I'm glad I'm not a girl." I don't know why, but seldom does a day go by where something doesn't catch my attention and cause me to say this. Tonight, for example, I was closing at Chick-fil-A and a group of about seven high school girls and boys came in and ordered some food. I couldn't help but overhearing the "bubbliness" of the conversations between the girls and in my mind immediately classified them as the "ditzy" type. It was as though life was a bit more confusing and "light" to them than other people, and I found myself saying, "Man, I'm glad I'm not a girl." Here are some other things that have caused this expression to leap from my mouth: makeup, long hair, emotions/hormones (holy cow), PMS, irrationality (sorry, it's true), clothes, female friendships (yeah, I'd have more "guy friends" too), pregnancy (and it's cousin Morning Sickness... this is a new one for me), dependency on the word "like", a need to watch Oprah, gossip (are you kidding me?), dating jerks ("But I love him!"), "giggle attacks", bad driving, flowers (for crying out loud... there just plants! And, no they do not smell good.), decorating, "chick flicks" (yeah, life isn't like that), "Do I look fat in this?", "Do you think she's prettier than me?", "I don't care, wherever you want to eat is fine." (but it isn't fine)/ indecisiveness, speaking in code/not saying what you mean, directions that never mention street names ("Turn at the big, purple building with the pretty tree."), false audience (any psychology people out there?), musicals (go grease lightening), physically not that strong ("Could you open this?"), going to the bathroom is more fun in groups, sitting down to pee (or, "hovering", depending on the cleanliness of the seat), etc.

On January 8th my wife an I will celebrate our six-month anniversary. As the days go by I become more and more aware of how different men and women are (and more and more grateful that the good Lord has made me a guy). But, even though my wife and I are so different I look foward to many more confusing years of trying to figure her out.